I am the Sherlock Holmes of mothers. I spend my time watching my children’s behaviors and trying to translate for them. In my best moments anyway…in my not so best moments, well…not so much. But even in my failing, God speaks…
One of our littles is struggling pretty significantly. We have had to tighten the boundaries, make his space a
bit lot smaller. We limit his interaction with others and we limit his choices. Everywhere he goes, he goes with mom or dad. Our goal is not to punish him or “ground him” but instead to eliminate those choices that he really can not handle right now. It is overwhelming to him right now to decide to not hit or throw rocks so we take those decisions out of the equation so that he can be successful. Occasionally we give him a bit more freedom as a trial run. Much of the time he only lasts for a few minutes before he will let me know through behavior that it is just too much. Developmentally he needs to take a step back. Yesterday, I attempted to get some yard work done and let him try out a bit of freedom. In the end he spent most of his time outside sitting on the porch with his hands in his lap. I have chosen to stop being frustrated by his way of communicating and instead develop a sense of “hearing” that I did not have before in which I draw from my own experience with childhood trauma and most importantly lean heavily on the leading of God.
“I am curious Abraham…what are you afraid will happen if you just follow the rules?” Silence
“Are you afraid I will forget about you?”
More Silence then…
I understand. To trust that I will be there even when the world is turned up down is hard. To trust that God hasn’t forgotten when it feels like the sky is falling is hard. Sometimes I want to pitch a fit too…just in case He has forgotten me.
“Let try again, do you think you can follow the rules?”
So we do (try again) and he doesn’t (follow the rules). Not even two steps from the porch he stops to attempt to pull up a paving stone.
“What did I tell you to do?” I admonish, hoping to get him back on track before he goes too far off the rails….and I suddenly realize…
Those words, they were meant for me. God was speaking again, this time through my own mouth.
“Rachel, what did I tell you to do? Why are stopping on the way? Why are letting the enemy distract you? Why are you focused on so many things except the one thing that I have called you to do?”
He has shown thee oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee. To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with thy God. Micah 6:8