Friday, November 30, 2012

Lessons learned in the valley…

It’s been an in between day today, neither sunny or rainy…not too warm but not really that cold.  A perfect day for feeling not quite right.

We all have those days.  You know what I mean….when you are still reeling from the last blow, just barely getting your footing and then here comes another and you are desperately trying to avoid the tailspin that comes from looking at all that has gone wrong around you.  Your prayers seem useless, like nonsensical syllables bouncing around the room and off the ceiling.   You search for the magic bean, (even if there is a giant at the top of the beanstalk at least you are doing something!)…or maybe if you hold your head just right it will all be okay.   What makes sense on the mountain top sometimes seems hard to understand in the valley…the place where it really matters.   There are more questions than answers…

So what can you do?   You put one foot in front of the other.   When you are done with elaborate prayers and desperate pleas each breath whispers His Name.  You come to the end of yourself and suddenly it starts to make sense again…

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  Look full on His wonderful face.  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. 

Oh, yeah that’s what I was missing…I just forgot where to look.  Not at these things that seem so wrong, the giants that seem so big….but on You.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Tis the season!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and ate until we were stuffed like the turkey! The little guys were excited to eat pie (we generally limit the sugar as it tends to cause behavior issues) and "have whatever we want!" This exciting announcement led the 2 yr to make an announcement of his own "Last time K puked!" Ah the wisdom of children. I am thankful for left overs because I have spent the last two days laid up with the stomache flu and the two little ones have caught yet another cold. Hopefully tonight everyone will sleep well and will wake up healthy. We have a busy week ahead of us. We covet your prayers...I can't say much but the are a lot of important things being decided soon.

Much love to you all! Thank you for all your support!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Things we can and can not have….

I have been nearly nonexistent in the cyber world lately…I think the last time I updated the blog was a month ago or so :/  Life has been completely crazy.    I would love to write some eloquent words to make up for the lack thereof but my mind is reeling and I am having a hard time putting together a cohesive thought.  I hope you will bear with me…

We still have the foster boys.  Believe it or not tomorrow on the 21st it will be exactly 6 months.   It has been the most heart wrenching, exciting and fulfilling thing I have ever done and I never dreamed that I would live through it!  Every week (sometimes every day!) brings a new challenge or some new hurdle to navigate but by the grace of God alone I am learning to roll with the punches and not worry about tomorrow.  I am desperately in love with them now and there is more laughter than tears most days. 

The farm is doing well and we expect lambs any day.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done but I am learning that it is really my lack of planning that makes things difficult more than the actual volume of work.

And this update wouldn’t be complete without the latest saga in my insane life….









This a picture of my sister and me with my real dad.   If you had asked me a month ago I would have told you that he left us when I was little and never looked back.  I would have told you that I was devastated when it happened, that I’m devastated now.   I would have told you that I remembered him and that I remembered loving him very much and I didn’t understand how it was that he didn’t love me.   I would have said for that for years I struggled believing that anyone could love me;  that the concept of a Father God was foreign to me because fathers didn’t care for you, they left you.  I would have told you that God healed much of that and that He showed me that He loved me beyond reason.  But I would still tell you I missed my dad.   I would tell you that I found him once when I was 19 and that he told me that he looked for me and that he never left me.  And I would have told you that he was lying.

Turns out…he wasn’t.   He was telling the truth.  The details are sketchy and there is a lot I don’t know or understand but I am not sure I want to.   My husband asked me if I was angry that I wasn’t told the truth.  I am not.   I am so full of happy there is no room for anything else.  I’m sad for my dad.  I am sad about the whole situation but I know this: God does all things well.

It is a bit overwhelming really.  I could focus on the lost years…all those times I cried because growing up was hard.  I could think only of what could have been….what I could have had or how my sister hated him because she believed that he left us.  I could think of all the pain, dwell on it and let it swallow me up.  But right now it doesn’t matter.   There are things I can and can not have…I will rejoice in what God has given me.

Life is hard.  But God IS good.

Edit: My sister and I drove to see my dad this past week and I talk to him everyday. We It's almost like we never were apart. God is doing amazing things and I am so thankful.
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