Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Things we can and can not have….

I have been nearly nonexistent in the cyber world lately…I think the last time I updated the blog was a month ago or so :/  Life has been completely crazy.    I would love to write some eloquent words to make up for the lack thereof but my mind is reeling and I am having a hard time putting together a cohesive thought.  I hope you will bear with me…

We still have the foster boys.  Believe it or not tomorrow on the 21st it will be exactly 6 months.   It has been the most heart wrenching, exciting and fulfilling thing I have ever done and I never dreamed that I would live through it!  Every week (sometimes every day!) brings a new challenge or some new hurdle to navigate but by the grace of God alone I am learning to roll with the punches and not worry about tomorrow.  I am desperately in love with them now and there is more laughter than tears most days. 

The farm is doing well and we expect lambs any day.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done but I am learning that it is really my lack of planning that makes things difficult more than the actual volume of work.

And this update wouldn’t be complete without the latest saga in my insane life….









This a picture of my sister and me with my real dad.   If you had asked me a month ago I would have told you that he left us when I was little and never looked back.  I would have told you that I was devastated when it happened, that I’m devastated now.   I would have told you that I remembered him and that I remembered loving him very much and I didn’t understand how it was that he didn’t love me.   I would have said for that for years I struggled believing that anyone could love me;  that the concept of a Father God was foreign to me because fathers didn’t care for you, they left you.  I would have told you that God healed much of that and that He showed me that He loved me beyond reason.  But I would still tell you I missed my dad.   I would tell you that I found him once when I was 19 and that he told me that he looked for me and that he never left me.  And I would have told you that he was lying.

Turns out…he wasn’t.   He was telling the truth.  The details are sketchy and there is a lot I don’t know or understand but I am not sure I want to.   My husband asked me if I was angry that I wasn’t told the truth.  I am not.   I am so full of happy there is no room for anything else.  I’m sad for my dad.  I am sad about the whole situation but I know this: God does all things well.

It is a bit overwhelming really.  I could focus on the lost years…all those times I cried because growing up was hard.  I could think only of what could have been….what I could have had or how my sister hated him because she believed that he left us.  I could think of all the pain, dwell on it and let it swallow me up.  But right now it doesn’t matter.   There are things I can and can not have…I will rejoice in what God has given me.

Life is hard.  But God IS good.

Edit: My sister and I drove to see my dad this past week and I talk to him everyday. We It's almost like we never were apart. God is doing amazing things and I am so thankful.

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