Day 3: What the princess didn't know….

Tamar.  A daughter of the king.  A princess.   Who lost all hope…..
The story of Tamar is found in chapter 13 of Samuel.  Do you know the last thing the Bible tells us about Tamar?
So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house. 2 Samuel 13:20
Do you know what desolate means?   Yes, you guessed it: without hope.    Let me tell you Tamar’s story…..
Tamar was very beautiful and her brother (likely a half brother) Amnon fell in love with her.  (or more likely lust…)  He was so obsessed with her that he made himself sick and upon advice of a “friend” he pretended to be very ill and requested that the king (both his father and Tamar’s) send Tamar to him and help care for him.   The king sent Tamar as requested and despite her pleas Amnon raped her.    The Bible then tells us that “the hate with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he loved her.”   Did you catch that?   In his heart Amnon knew he had done a horrible thing.   Tamar now represented his sin to him and he could no longer bear the sight of her.  To add insult to injury he called a servant to throw her out of his house.
In her shame and agony she tore her royal garments and put ashes upon her head and the last thing we know about her is that she went to her brother Absalom’s house, without hope.
There is so much to learn from this story but what I really want you to see is this:   There is only so much someone else can take from you.   What happened to this likely very young girl was horrendous but it did not change who she was… he could not take her identity, she was still a daughter of the king. 
And finally know this: no one can take your hope.     That is something you have to relinquish.   Hold onto it with your very life.  Whatever has happened, whatever hurtful words have been spoken do not let it define you and do not let have power over you.  Go to your Father’s house, let him heal you, let him defend you.  I know, I know, words are easily spoken, but I tell you from experience: you are never without hope and there is nothing God can’t redeem.

Day 2: Where Hope and Faith Meet….

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Heb 11:1
What is hope?   Hope is the desire paired with the expectation for something….In other words I may wish for the President to visit my house one day but I don’t really expect that to happen.   I do however, hope that a dear friend will be able to come next week and have good reason to believe that she will do just that. 
Merriam-Webster defines faith this way:
firm belief in something for which there is no proof…. complete trust
Faith is the vehicle that carries hope.  Faith gives us the confidence that we will receive that which we hope for, it is the strong, unshakeable belief that we will have that for which we hope although we have no visible evidence.  But faith in what?   I had faith in medicine, I hoped that my son would be healed.  I expected that when they said his chances to survive, be cured even were 90% that he would a long, good life.   The odds were in his favor…yet my faith and hope and medicine did not save my son.   I was left confused, angry and distant from God.   Not understanding His promises  I believed Him to be untrustworthy at best, sadistic at worst.  I prayed and He failed me.  Because I did not know Him quite as well as I believed my faith and hope were misplaced.
My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. Ps. 62:5
It was a long, dark process back but I began to understand that God had not failed me.  He had not left me without hope.  His promises are infinitely broader and more beautiful than this revolving planet can hold, they reach far beyond life and death and are centered deep within who He is….and who He is in good.
So then, if faith is the vehicle, Jesus must be the driver and we must trust that where He takes us He will keep us. 

Day 1: When you have lost your hope….

I remember hearing my husband’s voice over the phone….”they think it’s cancer…”   I went to bed that night unconcerned.  Surely God would not allow my husband to walk that road twice, after all he had already lost a wife…wasn’t that enough?
But it was cancer.  Suddenly God seemed a very strange, dangerous thing.  If you couldn’t trust him to keep your children safe…what exactly could you trust him for?  For the moment the fear almost overwhelmed me….we are, none of us, safe…
Yet, here I was…3 months pregnant, with all my children, not to mention a toddler and an infant just over 6 months old.   Several times a week I left them home to drive to a town an hour away with a boy much braver than I, hoping they would save his life.
We prayed and prayed and prayed.  God said no over and over and over.  I lost hope.   In that desperate place of wishing and wanting I became angry with God.  I railed at Him for letting us down.  
Why am I telling you this?   Because I want you to know if you are in that same dark place, I understand.   And because, I want you to know that you can hope again.
My son was not healed from cancer… but God did not forget us.  He renewed our hope and revealed Himself to us in ways that I am not sure we could have comprehended any other way.   Where I once placed my hope in medicine, prognoses, and percentages I now place my hope solely Him.  It didn’t happen overnight and it wasn’t always pretty but I am convinced that when we stand before Him face to face it will be the times of wounding that we will be most grateful for, because it was in those times that He showed us Himself, hope incarnate. 
 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  Romans 5:5

31 Days of Hope….

*I’m linking up with The Nesting Place for the 31 day writing challenge!

The Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines hope this way:
to cherish a desire with anticipation
to desire with expectation of obtainment
and…
to expect with confidence
There is so much in life that we dare not hope for…that we dare not expect…but though the days are hard and the nights may be long we still can hope for morning.  We still hope that God will meet us exactly where we are….
Let’s talk hope the next 31 days…lets anticipate that God will meet us where we are and fill us to overflowing.   Let’s believe together that we are enough and that He is so much more than enough…

Day 1: When you have lost your hope... 
Day 2: Where hope and faith meet... 
Day 3: What the princess didn't know...
Day 4: Hope is risky business...
Day 5: It just might be hope.. 
Day 6: The Lord is my portion
Day 7: When the world tries to steal your hope 
Day 8: Where does hope come from...
Day 9: Moving out of fear...
Day 10: Hope is a thing with feathers...

Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God  is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills….
Hab. 3:17-19

In the end….

A couple of weeks ago I cried myself to sleep.  I am 37 years old but I went to bed bawling like a baby.    We are now 15 months into this journey with Abraham and Isaiah.   I have been so angry I thought my head would explode.   I have been so dog tired I literally couldn’t take another step.   I have been so discouraged by the behaviors I was seeing that I dreaded the morning.  I have doubted myself.  I have doubted our system.  I have even doubted God.   But you know what I have never done?

Regretted a single moment.  Not.even.one.

Last evening I picked up two infants.  Last night was long;  up every hour with a newborn.  This time we go into it with the intention of reuniting this precious ones with their parents… last time we knew that we were headed toward adoption.    My heart aches for these parents and babies.  May God heal and redeem…

I know, I know it sounds crazy.  WHY would we take on two infants when we already have our hands full?    I can’t explain.  All I know is God says go and we go.  

Why in the world are we doing this?

Happy Fall!

It feels like summer just got here and now it’s gone…as quickly as it came.

The days were full of lambs…

and lush pastures….

and attacking bottle babies.

Lots of smiles….

and of course, work!

Technorati Tags: summer,farm,sheep,lambs

Peach Cobbler

The timer beeped on the oven just as I was walking through the kitchen.  It’s been one of those days….one child is sick (and screaming) another child is upset that I left him at home to go grocery shopping (and screaming) and I am a bit sick myself (and considering screaming).  Today was the second day of homeschool and the peaches absolutely could.not.wait one more day to be canned.

As is typical for me, I had wonderful plans for all that we would learn today.  The children with their sweet cherub faces would look up to me with smiles, me, the doting mother meeting each and every need.  

We have so many expectations of ourselves as mothers…so many lines that must be crossed or we declare ourselves failures.  For a moment I was overwhelmed by that list left undone but I decided to look at the day in a different light.   There are only so many hours to do all that must be done and in those hours I did so much more right than I gave myself credit for….

I spoke kindly when the child mashed his peanut butter sandwich into the table.  Consequences were given but not with anger.

The peaches did get canned and the jam was made.

Everyone was clean (well, mostly) fed and loved on.

The dishes were washed and put away.

And the peach cobbler was delightful.