And so this is Christmas…

and what have you done? another year over…a new one just begun.  have a very merry christmas and a happy new year. I hope it’s a good one without any fear….

I really want to be done with the melodrama.  I promise I do…every post lately has been melodrama.   But…I also want to be real and the truth is..

I’m feeling really melodramatic lately…

I know it’s the season to be jolly but my niece just brought home her dying son for one more christmas and (not to minimize her very real, very tragic pain) I am feeling like the sky is falling over here.  So while there is still joy in the journey, jolly there is.not.

Sometimes the going gets tough.  You keep going.   You repeat yourself a million times and then once more.  AND SMILE..for goodness sake don’t forget to smile!  And it all seems like it’s going to last forever (or in my niece’s case will not last long enough) and sometimes you wonder: where is God in all of this….not in a “why me?” kind of way more in a “no really, where are You? I am a little confused…” kind of way.

We get tired and cranky and lonely.  And that’s okay. You try to explain but no one really gets it any way (well, the ones that have been there do…)  Platitudes and pacifiers don’t help and if one.more.thing.goes.wrong.I.just.might.cuss. ::Gasp::

Really….you’ll get through this. I’ll get through this. 

Sometimes life just don’t make sense at all…

In times like these I remember John in a jail cell…

Are You the one? Or do we look for another?

I notice Jesus didn’t say “don’t worry!  everything will be fine!  I will be there in just a minute!”   Nope.  This is what He said:

"Go and tell John the things you have seen and heard: that the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me."

Strangely that gives me comfort.  In a way I can’t really articulate….I think I just to be reminded that He really did call me to this.  That in the end it does matter…..to Him.