As many of you know, we lost our oldest son, Todd to cancer in 2005. This coming Saturday (June 11th) it will have been six years. Six years is a long time….
I am working on a quilt this evening, which reminded me of a friend and a conversation we had after Todd died.
I ran into her while shopping for fabric and she was a bit uncomfortable to see me. It was a couple months after Todd’s death and I had thought it was strange that I hadn’t heard from her during that time but wasn’t going to mention it. I was simply glad to see her now.
“I am sorry I didn’t come when Todd died. I didn’t know what to say…”
I reassured her that I understood, that there were no hard feelings…and there weren’t but…
I wish she would have been there.
It is difficult to know what to do when a friend is hurting, but being there means everything. Death, like birth, is messy and much of it must be endured alone; but a held hand, a silent presence means so much. When you don’t know what to say, listen or just be. Don’t be afraid of the tears and don’t avoid the conversation. Cry with them if necessary. Grief is hard to witness, I know, but you will never regret the time spent despite the pain.
great advice :)
ReplyDeleteIt is often hard to know what to say, but sometimes being there and not saying anything is just what is needed.
Cara