but I am hiding inside my head. watching my thoughts spinning around. thankful that for once no one is screaming.
we are falling into a routine. it is good but still, I am uneasy. the bios are comfortable with the change in life. the radishes are settling it appears. the outbursts are still daily but not all day. it is good but I wonder…
will they ever understand why they are here and not there? will they look at us, our skin a direct contrast to theirs and know they belong? do I smile enough, hug enough, love enough? am I enough? how do I bridge the gap between adopter and adoptee?
today I feel a bit inept. unable to take it all in…unable to process. love is scary business and there are no easy answers. and I feel a bit selfish…what if I risk it all and it all goes horribly wrong?
may His grace cover my imperfections. may His love heal their wounded hearts. may I surrender to His will so that He can work His beauty in this mess.
EGBOK - Everything is going to be ok. You thought long and hard about this. You had doubts before and you will have them again. The path to justice is not always a smooth one. May G'd be your guide.
ReplyDeleteNo, you are not enough. But God is. And he promises a hope and a future for your children, regardless of how they became yours. And he is so faithful . . . giving beauty for ashes . . . again, and again, and again.
ReplyDeleteBoth my household and a close friend have adopted African American children into our caucasian families....it does work but there are always challenges. They will say things, but usually to get a reaction. not because they really believe what they say. I tend to shut the conversation down and thus hope to take that weapon out of their arsenal. If they know from the get go that racial arguments don't get them anywhere there are less of them. It will get better!
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